Keegan Bell hates robots

Let me preface this by saying that I'm a big fan of Keegan Bell and wish him nothing but the best at UT-Chattanooga. He has a passion for the game of basketball, a "gym rat" if you will, and I have no doubt that he will have a fine collegiate career.

Still, I couldn't help but laugh when I came across this article from The Huntsville Times. Let's try to attack this piece Fire Joe Morgan style (lines from the actual story in bold).

Unhappy with Vandy's 'robotic' style, he seeks freedom at new school.

Basically, coach Kevin Stallings is a big fan of The Jetsons and made his players watch old episodes instead of game film to become more like robots on the court. Also, he got a kick out of handcuffing Keegan to one of the baskets after practice so it's easy to understand why the point guard desperately wanted to be free.

Despite the allure of playing SEC basketball, point guard Keegan Bell needed a change.

Plus he really wanted to give the Dores an extra scholarship to sign point guard Brad Tinsley.

Though he was in line for a starting role with the Commodores next season, Bell didn't feel suited for Stallings' style of play.

"(The guards) became more robotic, more slow style," Bell said. "Fast-break and more up and down is what I want to do. I have a certain style of how I play."

Yeah, remember when Jermaine Beal was in the middle of executing a fast-break and stopped on a dime to do the robot? That was tight.

And what style is that exactly, Keegan? The one where you make 32 percent of your shots and hoist ill-advised 3-pointers? Or the one where you get beat so badly off the dribble that you force the team to play zone, which makes it harder for you guys to rebound and therefore fast-break?

And one more thing. I came across an old interview where you said, "And then the style of play, I really liked how they push it up." Except that you weren't talking about UT-C; you were talking about those robotic Dores. Weird.

After Stallings granted Bell his release, the transfer drew interest from Notre Dame, Oregon and Oklahoma State. But an April meeting with University of Tennessee-Chattanooga coach John Shulman won over Bell and convinced the Hazel Green High graduate that he could thrive at a mid-major.

Riiight. And besides, those other schools play like robots anyways.

"I mean, Keegan was a top-20 point guard in the nation, a starter on the varsity since eighth grade, and the big boys were after him," Shulman recalled. "He was like a high school folk hero."

Yup. Just like Tim Tebow. Only better.

Toward season's end, however, he felt Vandy's guards were given less freedom to create.

I always thought the reason for Vandy's struggles were because its guards couldn't defend, but what do I know?

"You can't argue with the success Coach Stallings has had there, but Vandy's very structured, and we're not as structured," Shulman said.

By not as structured, I think you mean not as good, but whatever. And, Shully, please don't go where I think you're about to go. If you watched Vandy play AT ALL, you would know that it no longer runs the offense that begins with "P."

Consider this fact: the Dores had the third highest adjusted tempo/pace in the SEC, behind only Tennessee and Ole Miss. Or how about this: the Dores were second in the SEC in scoring with 80 points per game. So again, I'm warning you.

"We're more of a ball-screen, motion team - not the Princeton offense that Vandy runs."

As Mark Jackson would say, "You're better than that!"

"With us, we can ball-screen for Keegan, and he can create and make plays."

Exactly. Because Stallings would fine players for setting ball-screens for Keegan (once he made Keegan's roommate and good friend A.J. Ogilvy cry after he fined him $3,200 for setting 32 screens in one practice). And, of course, "making plays" was out of the question.

Bell absorbed message-board criticism on a Vandy fan site after calling himself "a flashy player," comparing his style to Phoenix Suns guard Steve Nash, and saying that Stallings wasn't receptive to plays such as "between-the-leg passes."

Hey, he's talking about us! We're famous!

That confidence didn't fluster Shulman, who on two occasions Tuesday referred to Bell as "a Steve Nash-type player."

In all seriousness, please stop with the Steve Nash references. Yes, they are both white. We get that. But, Steve Nash is a two-time MVP and a future Hall-of-Famer, one of the best point guards to ever play the game. Keegan Bell is ummm....not. And besides, Nash said he's a big fan of Astro.

Bell expects wide-open game at Chattanooga [Huntsville Times]
Photo [USA Today]